Wednesday, 08 July 2009

• Stages

  You don’t have to be very old before you realize that life comes in stages.  Now I am not necessarily talking about stages such as infancy, childhood, adolescence etc.  I am more referring to the different stages of adulthood.  As adults, we make career choices which then involve “where do we live” choices which is really a stage of life.  We all go through it.  Some handle it better than others while some seem to let that stage be the straw that breaks the proverbial camel’s back.  Both those who handle it well and those who don’t often fail to realize that it is one of many stages of life that they will undoubtedly face, time and life permitting.  Those that handle it well often face another stage that is a source of stress and worry down the road of life.
  
  It is hard to put a time frame on these stages because they really vary from person to person and couple to couple.  Couples have faced the stage of do we want to get married and some make it to the next stage of marriage while others are not willing to face that stage of life yet.
  
  My wife and I faced that stage almost 18 years ago.  It was a stage of life that came quickly after another stage, which I will call “the mortality stage.”  Most know that Doctors, which came after we went through a stage that only lasted a few days, but felt like an eternity, have called my wife the miracle girl.  She defied modern medicine by living through a 107-degree fever for over 24 hours after a brain tumor started to bleed on the front part of her brain.  Most of you know that part of our life.  It was a stage that we made it through and then soon embarked on the stage of marriage.  What we didn’t realize is that stage would then lead to another stage several years later.
   
  As time moved on, we went from the honeymoon stage of marriage into the normal stage of marriage which has its stresses and trials and issues that couples just need to realize and face (which is a subject for a future post).  It was during the normal stage that we discovered that we would not be able to have children of our own due to the damage caused by the tumor.  As we were facing that stage, we decided we needed something to direct affection towards which led to us owning 2 Old English Sheepdogs (for my new friends, look at my screen name).  This new stage brought us some semblance of what it must be like to be parents since there was feeding duty, poopie duty, babysitting requirements etc.  The stage of dog ownership really helped us deal with the issue of not having children.
  
  Well…we also knew that dog ownership meant that we would most likely face a new stage of dealing with their loss after a few years (we estimated 10-12).  We are now into year 12, almost 13 and we are faced with dealing with that stage at this present time which is more difficult than we imagined and I am realizing it is tied to an inevitable next stage.  Over the past 12 years, we attempted to introduce a new stage to our life again when we started the adoption process.  Without going into the long story, that stage was thwarted when we discovered that my wife had breast cancer.  Needless to say that then created yet another stage of life and one with its own stages.  We look back on that and are so thankful we had our 2 dogs because they were there to relieve our minds of the worry and stress that comes when a loved one is in a fight for her life yet again. 
  
  But now here we are again, facing yet another stage of life.  As our last dog of 2 is showing signs of not being with us much longer, we are facing our own version of the empty nester stage.  This brings to mind again that we do not have our own child.  I am struggling with clearly seeing what this next stage holds for us.  Some words come to mind when I think about what is ahead; sadness, loneliness, fear, apprehension etc.  I am not ignoring these feelings nor is my lovely wife.  We both know and recognize this new stage approaching.  It is causing us to again ponder the possibility of adoption.  We recognize that there are children that need a good home, but we also recognize our age and are pondering the possibility of adopting an older child.  Counselors and psychotherapists will tell you that adopting an older child brings its own set of challenges so that is adding to some of the feelings and emotions.  It breaks my heart to know that there are so many older orphans who need a home, but are being overlooked because of their age etc., so we seriously thinking about the what-if’s of adoption again.
  
  We have made it through every stage that we have been dealt and we know we will make it through this next one as well, but I admit that we are a bit weary. We know that stages are just a part of life and we all have our different versions and no one is immune from what life brings so we both will press on and see what life brings as we embark on our newest adventure.
  
  Thanks for listening.
  
  
  

  • 4:51 PM
  • 89 Views
  • 22 eProps
  • 15 Comments